Sunday, March 30, 2008
Diary versus blogging... and a few random musings
Towards the end of BMT when there was more free time and I was feeling that army was really screwing up my mind I went back to the good old tradition of writing a diary since I didn't have access to a computer anyway. Haha, how ironical it is that I am now writing about this in camp at SISPEC.
Well, this is just going to be a short one because I don't have the time.. but I've come to realise, that despite how blogging has numerous advantages over traditional diary writing, the humble pen and paper diary still has it's relevance. In my life at least. And when I actually have the time to write it lol.
While I aim and always try to be as open and personal as possible in my entries, I realise that at the end of the day, there are still some things which I find it easier to express on paper in private when I don't have to worry about what people might think. Haha, and to think that all this while I've been trying to abandon the fear of being judged.
<>.<
>It reminds me of the line from the book
Who moved my cheese? "What would you do if you were not afraid?"
I wonder how much I've missed out simply because I was afraid.. and I wonder how much I'll be able to stop being so afraid.. Oh well, I'll probably have more time to think about this in camp. Right now I'm off to get more sleep so that hopefully... just hopefully I'll be able to get IPPT gold tomorrow so I don't need to go for Corrective Training this Saturday. Yea, don't I just love delta.. Only gold is good enough... bah!
Ahhhh Delta!!!
I still remember the night before enlistment I was telling yiwen that I don't care where I go to as long as it's not Mohawk or Ninja. 11 weeks later, I decided not to tell anyone, later suay again.. So I just thought to myself at Ngee Ann City during class outing that I couldn't possibly end up in Delta after Ninja.
Lo and behold. Shit happens. Twice.
Oh well, now I shall tell the world then. After all this shit, I'd better not end up as a Recce, Scout, Infantry or Guardsman. Hmph.
But 1 week into SISPEC, life's been pretty great(much better than recruit, though that's going to change fast) though I was sleepy everyday cause I couldn't sleep on Sunday night cause I was too excited already haha. Now I've kinda given up on this posting crap already. So be it if I'm posted to Infantry and have to go chiong suah every now and then.. (I still don't want to be a Recce or Scout though). As the serenity prayer goes, "...Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the strength to change the things I can and wisdom to know the difference", I've decided to try my best to instead do my best for this course and leave the rest to the people up there to see if they still hate me.
Haha, it's really very different to be training to be a commander as compared to being a man. The treatment you get, the expectations and such are all quite different and I've actually been sort of motivated to just chiong through this and at least "excel in my field" as our specialist's creed goes. Hopefully, a miracle can happen and I'll cross over. If not, well then, I'd be equipped with the skills to train my men, motivate them and do for them what our sergeants did for us. For all the shit that the men get, if one day the button is pressed, I really don't want anyone to die..
Sunday, March 23, 2008
Please, no Suffering In Silence Plus Extra Confinement. Thanks.
Book in.. book out.. book in... book out... Suddenly, results, then POP! (finally) and then one of the worst weeks I've had this year. Felt terrible physically and emotionally due to the sum of many small stupid things. Guess I wasn't as strong as I would have liked to be. But anyway at least now I've learnt that while a little solitude now and then is nice, I still can't avoid the need for human interaction and boy did that help.
So I'm booking in again tomorrow. Except that this time it's all the way at that freaking ulu place that takes at least half an hour by car with light traffic. Yea, it's SISPEC. Haha, didn't make it to OCS after all.. shall try to piah harder in SISPEC now that I've kind of gained a bit more experience from BMT. And yea, that's going to stop me from filling up the holes in this blog of my life for now.
With a new chapter beginning, I shall try once again to balance civilian and military life. Hopefully now that it's a fresh start, I'll finally be able to keep afloat. Till next Saturday then. With pride, we lead!
Sunday, March 02, 2008
POP double up!
argh.. all these horrible book in book out timings are depriving me of all my internet time.. can't even remember what happened last week, but there was a class outing yesterday which was pretty nice though we've come to the realisation that NS really deprives you of a life. There in that little island off our sunny island you're so cut off from the rest of the world, your world literally revolves around NS. Haiz.. lucky POP is in 9 days. Yesh, finally down to single digits.. I'm going nuts already!
